Right… my guy,
well he took me right by them stairs
He made me squirt all over the place,
hit it at once yeah I locked it twice
He had a blast but I took just... fine
No chem-sex for my baby
Now he gets off on a little G
Oh you should see him pop, my kinky boo
He looks so fine in ma’s bride costume
Right kinky boo?
Where’s that bride costume?
(Are you about to shoot?)
We mostly hide for what is worth
We fuck and stuff but we have much more
We rub-a-dub-a-dub on meds with a little care
He and I always kinda yeah... dare
He's positive to a certain extent,
he’s also sick but you could never tell
Cause History builds on pharmacies
and a bunch of pills prevent me from writing off his eulogy
And my man said:
“I ain’t no means, I’m the end.
And I go blind when I pretend.
Those viral rights you’re aiming for…
It’s like they get it tight, return it torn¨
Right, kinky boo? (My kinky boo)
Where’s that black costume? (My bride costume)
Are you about to shoot? (Are about to?)
Are you about to shoot?
My man would always hump you down
He ain’t no means he’s just the goal
My man hates how you aim for,
he's about to shoot? you never know
My man will always knock you down
He has the means he has a goal
My man hates how you're aiming for
He’s about to shoot and a bitch never know
In early summer I moved my studio to the shed in my dad’s family home, in the tiny town of Anguiano, northern Spain. As much I loved NYC, living through it was a realization of how worth is for an artist to struggle in the big city.
I used to really hate this poor shepherd’s town or any other rural environment under the common assumption that the smaller the community the more alienating. I do keep that conception to a certain extent and I still don’t give much of a shit about people here but I suddenly do about this silence, this darkness and this cheapness.
I spent summer of 2017 in Skowhegan (rural Maine, USA) in a 9 weeks residency where I worked in a stop-motion film. Prior to that experience I have never given much of a thought to the fact that all my production had been a response to urban life and, subsequently, very much shaped by its specific conditions of living and production.
Here the deal is rather different because, as much as rural Maine’s white trash was totally relatable to me, the place didn’t interpellated me culturally as this one does. My dad’s family tree gets lost to records in this region and, subsequently, conquering it as a studio space appears as a turning point in my personal narrative. The sense of (non) belonging towards this peasant little town puts in perspective its traces in my bloodline and, specially, the endemic contradictions within the idea of labor and art practice.
The way I work here differs from that in the city in way which I still need to unpack and develop further but I can’t overlook how t the sense of agency is rather enhanced here. For the first time I am starting to conceive a future away for the city and, people, it feels very liberating.
Back yo roots
The I-am-a-lot-like-you Series (#1 & #3), 2018 / Urethane Resin, Pigment
Some working materials for the piece. Drawings and writings on paper, 2018
This is the first of several post focusing on a video piece I am working on. Eventually it will be an experimental short with a youtube-esque documentary quality, depicting cis male bodies sexual intercourse and, more specifically, prostate induced orgasm. Obviously, it will contain graphic sex.
A bit of context: I am a creative queer man who has been sexually active for more than half of my life, allegedly in a conscious manner and in a relatively heightened awareness of my male queer body. So, that was me two years ago when I experienced a true prostate orgasm for the first time. It was a total blast, nothing similar to any other sexual experience I had had before. Luckily enough, the guy who got me there perfectly knew what was going on and explained to me while it was happening. That made it so much easier for me to understand what was going on and start learning to control it. Prostate orgasm is a phenomena that freak most people out when it happens for the first time since the male body reacts in a really unexpected way.
A basic depiction of how it goes: the penis is normally limb and pretty inactive during the orgasm as everything happens inside the body. The orgasm occurs as a cycle that repeats itself over and over once, provoking the low abdomen and the pelvic floor to contract firmly and rhythmically, bringing waves of intense pleasure or, let me sell it good, of pure rapture. The trick, as usual in sex, is good breathing and controlling the involved muscles, if you get to control it (no easy task) you are a king, girl.
As a queer video-artist with an interest on pornography as system of representation this transcendental realization obviously triggered many ideas for a piece. But, as any other artist may be already thinking, to build a consistent piece from such a bowel-based experience is no easy task whatsoever.
(1.3) An important Brechtian dynamic in my video making processes is detaching as much as possible from any given personal experience that produced the desire to make a certain work. I always mention Bertolt Brecht in this regard because he gave the most useful terminology to depict this sort of creative processes in which the personal, the aesthetic and the political are heavily intertwined. I refer to the process of distancing oneself from the emotional element contained in the (personal) narrative in order to be able to analyze themes through different frameworks. That’s one of the reasons this piece is taking a long time to be conceptualized as the ramifications the topic have are so vast that it is making it hard to decide where to establish the limits politically, personally and, more importantly, aesthetically.
(1.4) It’s working title is "Creamin'". I believe it is used in the US to refer to ejaculation in men or squirting in women. I heard it from queer people of color around Brooklyn to refer to the phenomena I'm talkin' about.
Recent -permanently glued- collages on paper. All of them composed while tediously procrastinating on video-making.
Hey you all,
So this is my third attempt to maintain a studio blog on which I share work-in-progress material and ideas for a significant amount of time. All of it psychically broadcasted from the current studio I find my self at the time.
I commit to this in order to:
(1) Keep a sort of polish&conscious (as long as public) diary of how my processes evolve as part of my art making practice and essential to what I learn through it.
(2) Show and share the trial/error logic within such processes in order to:
(2.1) get feedback from people -in a one on one type of communication as there won't be no comment section whatsoever but a messaging option in the contact page (2.2) Empathize with other artist like me out there, both struggling and reveling. Studio work is terribly lonesome.
(3) last but not least, boosting the whole thing as laziness would become public and really counter-productive in career terms.
The most important thing is work (*).
Image: Keep me all Rusty, 2018. Digital Photography.
The piece is a prop I built for the video Keep me as an Idle (2017). It is an iron circular device with a track on which an exterior arm can slide along. It is designed to hold a camera and, during its first and only usage, the lens pointed exclusively inwards, towards its center and sort of oblivious to its surroundings.
I took this picture right after moving it to my studio in my new apartment. It has direct access to this awesome rooftop you see. I keep the piece in case I have a good idea for a rebound movie in which it serves to focus on its surroundings, oblivious of its center. Something worth for re-signifying the original film,
Previous Blog Attempts